Pioneering Surgeon Offers Amputation of Restless Legs

CALEDONIA, ND – Despite the recent approval of prescription medications used in the treatment of debilitating Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS), many patients continue to struggle with their illness even after medical treatment.  One daring general surgeon at University of Eastern North Dakota Medical Center (UENDMC) is taking his scalpel and bone saw in hand in order to change that.

“I was laying there awake one night when the thought hit me, and I was, like, ‘why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?'” said Dr. Miles Klatcher, Associate Professor of General Surgery.

Klatcher decided to go to the root of the problem, cutting off the disease where it starts.   His revolutionary procedure involves performing an above-the-knee -amputation (AKA) on both legs.

Surgery

Surgery (Photo credit: Army Medicine)

Patients say that relief is instant and complete.  Of the three patients who have thus far undergone his radical treatment, none have had recurrent symptoms. A post-operative Restless Legs Quality of Life Assessment Survey found that 100% of those treated described their quality of life as “very different than before.”

Detractors have argued that the procedure is drastic, remains experimental, and has not yet been studied in a large, randomized controlled trial, but Dr. Klatcher says that he doesn’t need “fancy studies” to tell him something works.

“We’re making Restless Legs a thing of the past, and the proof is in the pudding.  It turns out that legs stop being restless when you cut them off.  Forever.  End of story.  Period.  If that’s not success, then I don’t know what is.”

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DISCLAIMER: All stories, quotations, medical reports, studies, and news entries are fictitious – created in the interest of humor. They are the rotten fruit falling from the imagination of the Daily Medical Examiner creative staff, and any relationship to actual events present or historical should be considered coincidental. The DME uses invented names for people, businesses, and institutions in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is coincidental.

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