Breaking: Local medicine resident realizes new Star Wars movie out

Star Wars

NEW CALEDONIA, ND – For second year resident, Andrew Nikola, today’s surprise hit him in the face like a stick of warm butter. He barely remembers driving back to the house after his 30-hour overnight call, but he somehow pieced together the subtle and shocking clues that there is a new installment in the Star Wars franchise in theaters.

“After I left the hospital, I wandered around the parking garage for a half hour or so trying to remember where my car was, then I got in and drove home. On my way to my apartment, I passed the movie theater and all these people were lined up, dressed as storm troopers. I thought it was just sleep deprivation, and I didn’t think too much about it… I’ve imagined weirder stuff after an overnight call,” said Nikola.

But later – after he awoke from falling asleep in the shower – the thought of the storm troopers came back to him, and he decided to check the news while he ate dinner.

“I turned on the TV and fell asleep beside a bowl of Frosted Flakes, but when I woke up, they were talking about the new Star Wars movie, and I thought I was dreaming. But I wasn’t… there’s actually a completely new Star Wars movie out, and it’s in the theaters right now. This came out of nowhere! Maybe they’ve been advertising it or something and I just didn’t see it because I’ve been working so much.”

For medicine residents like Nikola, such total exile from the world of the living is a small sacrifice for the incomprehensible joy of doing what you love. When you’re bathed for 80 hours a week in the exquisite thrill of staying up late at night in blue pajamas, eating cold pizza, and caring for belligerent patients with alcohol withdrawal, all the little things you used to enjoy seem to vanish into the distance. At the time of this release, Nikola is trying to remember the names of some of his friends so that he can make plans to see the movie with them in two months when his vacation is scheduled.

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