ARLINGTON, TX – Coaches for the Dallas Cowboys announced that Tony Romo, their gracefully aging superstar, is finally starting to bounce back after being sidelined this year by pre-season compression fractures. He’s been through months of hard work with rehabilitation, but trainers say adding a new rolling walker last week was a massive breakthrough.
“You should see him with that walker… he’s really making tracks,” says head trainer Mitch O’Clonner. “It’s totally transformed his mobility both on and off the field.”
In fact, Romo’s mobility has improved so much with the new walker that he eloped from the Cowboys training facility on Friday. Several Cowboys staff members had to roam Arlington searching for him after practice.
“It turns out he had wandered into Six Flags and was standing in line for a funnel cake when we found him,” says assistant conditioning coach Bradley Barsten. “Two weeks ago, we couldn’t even get him out of his recliner!”
His astounding physical progress and the twinkle in his eye while he waited for a funnel cake has the whole team confident that this frail but resilient 36-year old will be able to shuffle back onto the field in no time.
“It’s amazing. At his age, a lot of guys would just be riding off into the sunset with quiet evenings by the fireplace, but he’s determined to make the most of his golden years and stay active,” says Barsten. “He says it’s how he tries to maintain a sense of dignity and purpose.”
While it’s not clear how many seasons those ancient Romo bones have left, the DME remains your source for all the best health-related coverage of football – the sport that makes boys into men and makes men into wizened geriatrics patients by their fourth decade.