Hospital CEO crafts stirring holiday e-mail in lieu of annual employee bonuses

Medical Satire CDC

New Caledonia, ND – In a bold stroke of holiday ingenuity, UENDMC CEO Jim Atwaterson spent nearly half of his 9 o’clock office hour on Friday crafting a truly joyous and inspiring e-mail to his nearly 3,000 employees.

“At this special time of year, we are bound together by a spirit of gratitude and charity to dig deep into our hearts and give joyfully to a world of patients in need,” began his e-mail. He praised the efforts of his numerous employees throughout the past year and also took a moment to soften the blow of a surprise change to the health system’s tradition of bonuses.

“While UENDMC has elected to end its policy of annual year-end bonuses for employees, we are reminded both of all the things we have to be grateful for and of the marvelous spirit of community and common purpose we all enjoy. Truly, the greatest gift is the opportunity to serve our patients together day after day.”

Just before he packed his laptop up to head to the Swiss Alps for some much-needed rest until the New Year, he closed his e-mail with the humble salutation, “Warm and Happy Tidings,” and attached a banner of red ribbon and pine branches using clip art he found on Google image search.

Numerous employees can be seen throughout the hospital today, opening their e-mail to find the holiday greeting and taking a moment to admire the carefully selected clip-art before deleting it.

Night-shift hospital housekeeper, Bill Blackenstocker – who is slated to work through Christmas – seemed unimpressed.

“I’ll show him some tidings,” he mumbled as he logged off of the computer and headed back to collect soiled linens from the Obstetrics floor.

2 thoughts on “Hospital CEO crafts stirring holiday e-mail in lieu of annual employee bonuses

  1. In the mid-80s my hospital gave me a “collector plate” with the hospital’s picture painted on it for Christmas . Administration (well some of them anyway)did not think it was funny when I got on the intra-hospital messaging system to ask if anyone would like to part with theirs as I was going to combine it with some McDonald’s glasses and a cases of sporks I had and hand to get a service for eight.

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