Breaking: Lousy excuse for an attending physician did not bring food for residents to morning rounds

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Photo by Donald Cook

New Caledonia, SD – In an utterly contemptible failure of medical competence, attending Internal Medicine physician, Jim Glissendur, MD, FACP, forgot to make a stop for breakfast food for his team when meeting them for morning rounds after their overnight call.

Completely unaware of the depraved foolhardiness of his actions, he walked into a room that was soon simmering with insatiable rage.

“Who is this guy?! At this point, I could care less how much he teaches us,” tweeted Senior Resident, Jessica Stevens, DO. “I’m hungry and I don’t want to hear another word about the evaluation of hyponatremia.”

“I’m beginning to wonder if he’s even a human being at all. It’s sick, really,” whispered intern Tim Unnter, MD to his fellow intern as Dr. Glissendur gave a chalk-talk on antibiotic coverage.

The kind, gentle way that he shepherded them through a discussion of the complex overnight patient admissions was no replacement for a tub of cream cheese and a cardboard box of bagels.

“I hope I never see him again. It’s despicable. I don’t even want a letter of recommendation from this guy,” said senior medical student, Jill Walston, who is re-thinking her choice of specialty. “I’m not really sure internal medicine is for me anymore.”

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