Meat Industry Says Processed Meats “Linked to Cancer But Often Highly Delicious”

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – A carnivorous ruckus erupted this week after the World Health Organization (WHO) stunned meat-lovers around the world by confirming that consuming processed meats raises one’s risk of cancer. “People are making serious health choices each time that they bite into a bacon cheeseburger,” said Jim Lehnder, Chief of the World Health Organization’s Lifestyle Disappointment Task Force.…

Simulation Dummy Has Pulse, But Cannot Feel Love

AUSTIN, TX – The ELVIN2.0 dummy is the most advanced medical simulation mannequin available, and he has made his way into the classrooms of medical institutions across the nation.  Our DME Medical Product Ethics and Humanities Investigation Team went to Zestropharmica‘s R&D headquarters in Austin to learn more about this amazing device.   “He breathes, he talks, he…

Mediterranean Cruise Allows Destitute Doctors to Share Woes

ATHENS, GREECE – Medical and Surgical sub-specialists, indignant over falling pay and declining quality of life, have united again this year at the American Medical Association’s annual “Western Healthcare INcome and Equality” (WHINE) forum.  This one week cruise of sparkling waters and spectacular sun-bleached islands is just the thing that these beleaguered docs need to…

How to Make Your Medical Blog Boom and Bloom

EDITORIAL:  The Daily Medical Examiner has witnessed the explosive rise in popularity of medical student, resident, and physician blogs.  Pre-med students, laypeople, and family members are drooling to know what it’s like learning to be a doctor, and a growing population of budding medical writers are eager to tell them online.  Always willing to provide sage guidance…

Power Chairs and the Fall of Civilization

WARNING:  This post contains dystopian imagery which may be frightening to some readers. DME EDITORIAL – The following warning regarding motorized wheelchairs must be prefaced by acknowledging the significant population of patients, including those with amputations, victims of stroke, sufferers of destructive joint disease, and many others, whose lives have been bettered by the existence…