Groundbreaking Study Shows Bear Attacks More Deadly Than Tobacco

BALTIMORE, MD – How bad is smoking really? When compared with other risky activities, it appears it may not be nearly as dangerous as public health officials would have you believe. The DME Continues its coverage of bear-related medical issues with this report on a new study from the Journal of Ursine Health Risks. The study,…

Local ER Physician is an Expert on What’s Wrong with Poor People

Happy Valley, ID – “Entitlement…Entitlement and laziness… and bad choices,” explains Dr. Jestins as he leans back into his rolling armchair at the doctor’s station in the Happy Valley General Hospital’s Emergency Department. Dr. Jestins has been conducting impromptu lectures on the vagaries of impoverished persons for over 10 years from his seat at the ED…

Simulation Dummy Has Pulse, But Cannot Feel Love

AUSTIN, TX – The ELVIN2.0 dummy is the most advanced medical simulation mannequin available, and he has made his way into the classrooms of medical institutions across the nation.  Our DME Medical Product Ethics and Humanities Investigation Team went to Zestropharmica‘s R&D headquarters in Austin to learn more about this amazing device.   “He breathes, he talks, he…

New Health Screening Tool Predicts Bear Attack Risk

The journal Annals of Primary Care and Wildlife Trauma has published a revolutionary new screening tool for busy primary care docs wondering whether their patient is at risk for bear-induced medical injury (BIMI).  Bear-induced medical injury and bear-related limb reduction (BRLR) have been a part of human existence for thousands of years, but this is a first…

Republican Hospital Admissions Soar in the Wake of Election

Hospital Emergency Departments have been ravaged by the flood of Republicans seeking medical attention in the wake of the nation’s recent national elections.  Patients, predominately white males ranging from 35 to 85 years old, have arrived in hoards at emergency departments from coast to coast with a complex of symptoms which is quickly becoming so…

Health Hero: Squibbles the Cat Calms Deadly Arrhythmia

The Daily Medical Examiner continues its sporadic nomination of Health Heroes as well as its in-depth coverage of animals in medicine with this touching inside report about one cat’s astonishing heroism and medical prowess. Huntsville, AL – When Madge Tuthbridge fell to the floor with crushing heart palpitations last week in her Huntsville apartment, it…

A Cure for Refractory Drug-Seeking

MIAMI, FL – After much debate and several widely publicized Phase III clinical trials, the FDA has approved Placebocodone (dextrolaxatine) for the treatment of refractory drug-seeking. Touted as an alternative to harsh prescription denials on the part of medical providers, Placebocodone has the ability to quickly and easily alleviate the excruciating pain that opiate-seeking patients…

ZestroPharmica Recalls Somnularis Sleeping Pill After 7 Patients Found in Guadalajara Restaurant

GUADALAJARA, MEXICO – On June 27th, Margaret Shangleford woke from one of the most restful nights of sleep she can remember.  Unfortunately, she awoke in La Tortugita restaurant in Guadalajara, Mexico, more than 2,000 miles from her home in Boise, Idaho. “I don’t know how on earth I got there…  I don’t even have a…