Meat Industry Says Processed Meats “Linked to Cancer But Often Highly Delicious”

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – A carnivorous ruckus erupted this week after the World Health Organization (WHO) stunned meat-lovers around the world by confirming that consuming processed meats raises one’s risk of cancer. “People are making serious health choices each time that they bite into a bacon cheeseburger,” said Jim Lehnder, Chief of the World Health Organization’s Lifestyle Disappointment Task Force.…

We Listened: ABIM Shortens MOC Scavenger Hunt and Eliminates Fitness Requirement

PHILADELPHIA, PA – With a vocal outcry from physicians steadily rising, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) has grudgingly decided to roll back several aspects of its new Maintenance of Certification (MOC) plan.  This new plan, created “to ensure that physicians were held to the highest standards in care,” has been the source of acrid…

I Got Syphilis! Which Pathogen Are You?

ARLINGTON, VA – From Harry Potter to Downton Abbey to David Bowie, on-line personality quizzes have become an annoyingly infectious internet sensation.  After responding to a simple set of questions, these websites assign users a fictional character who best matches their unique personality traits.  The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) picked up on the fad and…

Doo and You: What the Bristol Stool Chart Tells Us About Personality

BOSTON, MA – A study published in the Journal of Excremental Studies this week reveals new secrets from a timeless tool.  In 1997, the Bristol Stool Scale forever changed the way that we think about stool and, thus, life.  Distilling thousands of years of observation into a simple chart which encompasses the whole range of…

Hot Wings Versus Standard Medical Therapy

A new trial published last week in the Journal of Alternative Gastroenterology is a wet sock in the face to standard medical approaches to treating acute constipation.  Lead authors, Drs. Hutzlinger and Shpaenz, organized a rigorous, randomized head-to-head comparison of traditional medical regimens (including lactulose, polyethylene glycol, and docusate) with an aggressive, all natural regimen of…

“Friending” Your Colon with Social Media

BENFORD, CA – In a creative effort to raise awareness for colon cancer screening, one California group of gastroenterologists has taken an innovative step toward bringing colonoscopy into the bright light of the digital age.  By incorporating social media interfaces like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram into the colonoscopy experience, they’re conquering patients’ previous reservations about…