BREAKING: Nurse Manager Insists Deceased Patient Must Wear Yellow Fall Socks

NEW CALEDONIA, ND – Nurse manager Barbara Yittle, RN, BSN, MHASN, MOWCN, FACMN, hasn’t seen a fall on the 13th floor of University of Eastern North Dakota Medical Center in almost 7 months. That’s why she held a firm line this afternoon when nurses tried to bend the fall precaution rules while moving recently deceased Buster…

Vintage Hospital for Hipsters Opens in Seattle

SEATTLE, WA – It appears even hospitals aren’t immune to the nationwide war to win the loyalties and the wallets of America’s growing and aging population of hipsters. Just this month, UnifiedHealth group opened “Northwest Vintage Hospital” in downtown Seattle. Artisanal medications, meticulously restored iron lungs, compostable bandages, and a truly authentic medical experience await feverish millennials eager…

Hospital pet therapy dog totally burnt out

WEST CALEDONIA, ND – For co-workers at University of Eastern North Dakota Medical Center (UENDMC),  the truth has become too obvious to ignore: after three years of grinding out pet therapy visits on the hospital wards, local springer spaniel “Molly” is utterly burned out. Staff members have noticed the bitter resentment in her gait and are appalled at…

Surgical intern resolves to throw his weight around more in 2016

NEW CALEDONIA, ND – Surgical Intern Ben Plusters has made quite a few resolutions for 2016, but his most important decision for the New Year is to start letting his lion-like clinical prowess roar a little more at University of Eastern North Dakota Medical Center. “I’ve learned a lot in my 6 months of being…

Trump Talks About His Journey with Aggressive Hair Tumor

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After months of seeing his hairdo distract from the earnest business of politics, Donald Trump is coming forward to share his intimate personal experience with a life-changing illness known as “trichosarcoma” – an aggressive outgrowth of the body’s own hair.  Trump invited the Daily Medical Examiner to conduct his first interview with the media about…

Surgeon Finds Some Patients Don’t Appreciate His Little Experiment with Hugs

NORTHBINGER, CA – General Surgeon Jeff Britley, M.D., is touching patients in ways they never imagined.  After last year’s survey at the Northbinger Surgical Center indicated that he seemed “distant” or “rushed” during many patient visits, Dr. Britley made some dramatic changes to his bedside manner and patients have definitely noticed. “I decided I just…

Pioneering Surgeon Offers Amputation of Restless Legs

CALEDONIA, ND – Despite the recent approval of prescription medications used in the treatment of debilitating Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS), many patients continue to struggle with their illness even after medical treatment.  One daring general surgeon at University of Eastern North Dakota Medical Center (UENDMC) is taking his scalpel and bone saw in hand in order to…