U.S. Preventive Services Task Force Recommends Against Screening Women for Prostate Cancer

WASHINGTON, DC – After recent ambiguous and controversial guidelines on breast cancer screening led to an angry outcry from the general public, the USPSTF has stepped back and decided to offer at least one firm and unequivocal stance on screening women for cancer. They agreed that most women should not be screened for prostate cancer (Level A…

We Listened: ABIM Shortens MOC Scavenger Hunt and Eliminates Fitness Requirement

PHILADELPHIA, PA – With a vocal outcry from physicians steadily rising, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) has grudgingly decided to roll back several aspects of its new Maintenance of Certification (MOC) plan.  This new plan, created “to ensure that physicians were held to the highest standards in care,” has been the source of acrid…

Google Search Reveals that Iowa Man’s Headache is Probably a Brain Tumor

DES MOINES, IA – For 25 year-old Bill Whishtler, the news hit him in the face like a wet gym sock full of bricks.  Late Saturday night, after putting his symptoms into Google, he found out that the dull headache that had nagged him since he woke that morning was most likely the beginning of the end for him.…

NY Man Receives Horrific News that He Does Not Have Cancer

NEW YORK, NY – Thirty-seven year old Brad Rheands remembers the fateful phone call like it was yesterday.  He was sitting at home, nostalgically sorting through his earthly possessions, when the cellphone’s Tim Mcgraw “Live like you were dying” ringtone snapped him out of his reverie.  It was his oncologist. “Brent, I have some fantastic…

Wisconsin Oncologist Caught in Attempt to Deliver Another Round

KEWAUSHIN, WI – A local oncologist, whose name has not yet been released to the public, had to be escorted from the premises of the Autumn Pathways Hospice Center on Monday after he was caught in a patient’s room with three days worth of chemotherapeutic drugs stuffed inside of a large “get-well” bear.  Hospice nurses became suspicious…