BREAKING: Nurse Manager Insists Deceased Patient Must Wear Yellow Fall Socks

NEW CALEDONIA, ND – Nurse manager Barbara Yittle, RN, BSN, MHASN, MOWCN, FACMN, hasn’t seen a fall on the 13th floor of University of Eastern North Dakota Medical Center in almost 7 months. That’s why she held a firm line this afternoon when nurses tried to bend the fall precaution rules while moving recently deceased Buster…

Vintage Hospital for Hipsters Opens in Seattle

SEATTLE, WA – It appears even hospitals aren’t immune to the nationwide war to win the loyalties and the wallets of America’s growing and aging population of hipsters. Just this month, UnifiedHealth group opened “Northwest Vintage Hospital” in downtown Seattle. Artisanal medications, meticulously restored iron lungs, compostable bandages, and a truly authentic medical experience await feverish millennials eager…

Hospital Chaplain has Gall to Use Code Blue Ring as Personal Pager Tone

CALEDONIA, ND – Disgust drenched the halls of UEND medical center early this week when various staff members learned that newly-arrived hospital chaplain, Prudence Thackering, MDiv, had the audacity to select the hospital’s “code blue” ring-tone as her own personal pager ring. “I just liked the way it sounded,” said Thackering. “She just what..!?” said second-year…

Doctor’s Little Tantrums Really Starting to Transform Hospital Culture

Caledonia, ND – It’s been four years since staff hospitalist, Yudwar Pheshmeyni started his noble campaign to change UEND Medical Center. He began with an angry outburst on the 4th flour, directed at the hospital’s electronic medical record system, which has been known to occasionally freeze during the entry of admission orders. As he shouted alone in the…

Hospital pet therapy dog totally burnt out

WEST CALEDONIA, ND – For co-workers at University of Eastern North Dakota Medical Center (UENDMC),  the truth has become too obvious to ignore: after three years of grinding out pet therapy visits on the hospital wards, local springer spaniel “Molly” is utterly burned out. Staff members have noticed the bitter resentment in her gait and are appalled at…