We Listened: ABIM Shortens MOC Scavenger Hunt and Eliminates Fitness Requirement

PHILADELPHIA, PA – With a vocal outcry from physicians steadily rising, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) has grudgingly decided to roll back several aspects of its new Maintenance of Certification (MOC) plan.  This new plan, created “to ensure that physicians were held to the highest standards in care,” has been the source of acrid…

Disney’s “It’s a Small World” now features strong Pro-Vaccine message

Anaheim, CA – In an ingenious effort to combat a spate of bad publicity and promote public health after a high profile measles outbreak at one of its theme parks, Disney has re-tooled its iconic, “It’s a Small World” ride to feature a strong message about the benefits of vaccination. “Instead of simply seeing joyful…

I Got Syphilis! Which Pathogen Are You?

ARLINGTON, VA – From Harry Potter to Downton Abbey to David Bowie, on-line personality quizzes have become an annoyingly infectious internet sensation.  After responding to a simple set of questions, these websites assign users a fictional character who best matches their unique personality traits.  The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) picked up on the fad and…

Scientists Confirm: “Cooties” Real and Highly Contagious

ATLANTA, GA – Just in time for Valentine’s Day, scientists at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta have confirmed that age-old fears about contraction of the childhood illness, “Cooties,” are indeed justified.  The virus responsible for childhood Cooties was identified in a high-security isolation laboratory late last week by a team of virologists…

Sir William Osler Was “Most Worthless” Student on the Wards

MONTREAL, CANADA – He may be the exalted father of modern medical education and the hallowed champion of medical reason, but devastating new evidence shows that Sir William Osler’s early beginnings in medicine were lackluster at best.  Recently uncovered academic reviews of his performance by upper level trainees at the McGill University’s medical college in…

Celebrating 50 Years of MRSA!

CHICAGO, IL – Hospital isolation gown manufacturers and major producers of the popular antibiotic, Vancomycin, came out in cheerful hoards last evening to celebrate the “golden anniversary” of medicine’s favorite gram-positive coccus.  The elegant 2012 Staph Ball, held last night at Chicago’s Ritz-Crackerton Hotel and Convention Center,  commemorated 50 enduring years of MRSA. In late…

“Flesh-Eating” Bacteria Feels Misunderstood, Looks for Acceptance

Ann Arbor, MI – After being publicly indicted for the third fatal illness in less than two months, the infamous “flesh-eating bacteria” remain beleaguered but hopeful.  Despite suffocating publicity and deafening cries for their eradication, our single-chromosomed brethren uncompromisingly persist in an effort to be a part of our world.  Refusing to change who they…

New Study Links Childhood Vaccines to Bad Manners Later in Life

WATERS, GA – A new report released in this month’s issue of the American Journal of Etiquette added fuel to criticism of mass childhood vaccination by illuminating the shocking association between vaccination schedules and poor social adjustment in adulthood.  For twenty years, researchers followed a cohort of patients who received childhood vaccinations; at follow-up intervals,…