Hospital Chaplain has Gall to Use Code Blue Ring as Personal Pager Tone

CALEDONIA, ND – Disgust drenched the halls of UEND medical center early this week when various staff members learned that newly-arrived hospital chaplain, Prudence Thackering, MDiv, had the audacity to select the hospital’s “code blue” ring-tone as her own personal pager ring. “I just liked the way it sounded,” said Thackering. “She just what..!?” said second-year…

Surgical intern resolves to throw his weight around more in 2016

NEW CALEDONIA, ND – Surgical Intern Ben Plusters has made quite a few resolutions for 2016, but his most important decision for the New Year is to start letting his lion-like clinical prowess roar a little more at University of Eastern North Dakota Medical Center. “I’ve learned a lot in my 6 months of being…

Georgia Grandmother Prefers Not to Talk About Grandson Who is in Medical School

ATHENS, GA – 82 year-old Rose Thrister admitted late last week to other residents of the Forever Springtime Independent Retirement Community that she’d rather not talk about her high-acheiving grandson, Chistopher Thrister. “I just can’t imagine that people want to hear me drone on about how handsome he turned out to be, or about how he’s…

Simulation Dummy Has Pulse, But Cannot Feel Love

AUSTIN, TX – The ELVIN2.0 dummy is the most advanced medical simulation mannequin available, and he has made his way into the classrooms of medical institutions across the nation.  Our DME Medical Product Ethics and Humanities Investigation Team went to Zestropharmica‘s R&D headquarters in Austin to learn more about this amazing device.   “He breathes, he talks, he…

Sir William Osler Was “Most Worthless” Student on the Wards

MONTREAL, CANADA – He may be the exalted father of modern medical education and the hallowed champion of medical reason, but devastating new evidence shows that Sir William Osler’s early beginnings in medicine were lackluster at best.  Recently uncovered academic reviews of his performance by upper level trainees at the McGill University’s medical college in…