Coaches say Tony Romo really making tracks with new walker

ARLINGTON, TX – Coaches for the Dallas Cowboys announced that Tony Romo, their gracefully aging superstar, is finally starting to bounce back after being sidelined this year by pre-season compression fractures. He’s been through months of hard work with rehabilitation, but trainers say adding a new rolling walker last week was a massive breakthrough. “You should see him…

Dallas Cowboys Call Palliative Care Consult for Tony Romo

ARLINGTON, TX – After another devastating physical setback for veteran quarterback Tony Romo, America’s Team has decided to take a new approach to medical care for its aging centerpiece. Romo, who suffered a compression fracture of his L1 vertebra in late August, has been the victim of numerous health-related challenges in recent seasons. “Our current approach of…

We Listened: ABIM Shortens MOC Scavenger Hunt and Eliminates Fitness Requirement

PHILADELPHIA, PA – With a vocal outcry from physicians steadily rising, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) has grudgingly decided to roll back several aspects of its new Maintenance of Certification (MOC) plan.  This new plan, created “to ensure that physicians were held to the highest standards in care,” has been the source of acrid…

A Shih Tzu in a Coma, a Family Torn Apart

ST. PAUL, MN – After watching and hoping for nearly 3 years as their 15 year old Shih Tzu “Schnitzel” languished in the veterinary ICU in a persistent vegitative state, the Krowaltsky family has decided to withdraw life support on their dear friend.  The decision has strained both their emotions and their fragile family relationships.…

NY Man Receives Horrific News that He Does Not Have Cancer

NEW YORK, NY – Thirty-seven year old Brad Rheands remembers the fateful phone call like it was yesterday.  He was sitting at home, nostalgically sorting through his earthly possessions, when the cellphone’s Tim Mcgraw “Live like you were dying” ringtone snapped him out of his reverie.  It was his oncologist. “Brent, I have some fantastic…

2012 Geriatrics Conference Ends in Violence

MEADOWTON, VT – A quiet, bed-and-breakfast town in Vermont got a rude introduction to the gritty and sometimes tempestuous world of Geriatrics this week when the 2012 National Academy of Geriatrics conference turned ugly.  A seemingly harmless debate about management of inpatient delirium that broke out in one of the afternoon plenary sessions quickly escalated…

Wisconsin Oncologist Caught in Attempt to Deliver Another Round

KEWAUSHIN, WI – A local oncologist, whose name has not yet been released to the public, had to be escorted from the premises of the Autumn Pathways Hospice Center on Monday after he was caught in a patient’s room with three days worth of chemotherapeutic drugs stuffed inside of a large “get-well” bear.  Hospice nurses became suspicious…